Vol III: #21 The Process of Moving On
I strongly advise the you, my reader, to bring the Lord into relational decisions. And, I will tell you why.
Earlier this week, I left a text group chat. The group is filled with men I know from my finals years in Charlotte and consisted of memes and old memories. And, it was a source of angst in my life. Why? Because, I felt like an interloper despite being invited to the group. And, I felt like an interloper because the group rarely responded to my contributions. Eventually, the lack of responses led me to question why I was invited to the chat.
I left the chat once before, in 2018, only to be invited back. When this happened, I assumed it was because I misjudged the situation. Maybe they had more value for my presence than I thought? But, no. They did not; instead, I encountered the exact same responses and attitudes. Good times.
Monday morning, I awoke to series of texts, another meme and nothing worthy of my time. So in a fit of carnal rage, I left the group- which is to say I tapped the “Leave Conversation” button. I admit the timing was poor. Had I been in a better mood or more tactful, I would’ve waited for a quiet day to make a quiet exit. But I didn’t have it to give. I wanted out, so I left*.
Over the last three days, I prayed about my exit, why I left, and I asked if I did the right thing. The Lord’s response was to ask me if I carried old wounds and, after two days, I finally answered yes. It was only after I released my anxiety did the Lord show me the truth: those men didn’t know me. And, I didn’t know them. What I missed and needed was a deeper connection to them. That’s why their jokes weren’t funny and why they didn’t understand mine. (When it comes to humor, context is everything.)
I don’t regret leaving the group chat. It had to be done. But, I do regret how I left. (How many times have I written these words since 2020? It’s getting old. I need to learn, mature, and do better.) I’m thankful the Lord showed me the truth of the situation. His words and wisdom were a soft rebuke but a good lesson. Next time, I will go to Him first rather than run off my hurt feelings.
*And can I say, what a time to be alive? I didn’t kill anyone or hit on a wife. I left a group chat and it feels overly and unnecessarily dramatic.
