Vol III: #77 A Blur, A Woo-hoo
Of the last six days, I can’t remember Monday, or Tuesday, or Wednesday. Though when I woke up, I recall the thought Tuesday was Friday. And with a few exceptions, I didn’t have the mental and emotional capacity to engage any of my favorite/life-giving habits. I didn’t write (except in my physical journal) didn’t practice German, and I didn’t read. My new job sucked my will to live right out of my brain. And I spent most of my evenings on the couch, trying to relax.
The problem with the couch is it isn’t a place to relax, not when I want to be productive. Instead of feeling satisfied with my day or work, I stew. I steep. I mire into my thoughts and feelings, and then I try to go to sleep. Ironically, more work- in the form of my passion projects- is more relaxing than doing nothing.
The higher and more relevant truth is I don’t want to be a salesman with hobbies. I want my hobbies to become my job, and the only way to get there is to grind until I make it. And, it sucks when I have weeks like last week when I’m drained and frustrated, when I’ve given all my energy and talents to a job and a business that only asks for more. But, this marketing/sales job is the opportunity I was given. And it’s a good opportunity, with good people and good product.
The choices are in front me. I can bitch and moan, and find reasons to fail. Or, I can demand more from myself, and push myself further than ever before. Plenty of people have faced similar circumstances and completed the journey.
That’s gonna be me.
