Around the First Turn
I’m not sure what happened or how, but yesterday I turned a small but significant corner in my heart. And that corner is called “Sense of Purpose.”
Last January, I thought I knew what the next 5-10 years of life would be, mostly cooking BBQ and hopefully her. In less than five months it was all gone, and necessarily gone. The Lord has something better for me, for my heart and mind.
Since May, I’ve wondered what direction my life is headed. The first week in June, I started to get anxious on the question of my career, whatever those are. Once I put it before the Lord, a path into digital marketing opened up, and I took it. It’s going well so far, but it is not my resting place.
Another question put to me by a few folks is “are you going to stay in Redding?” It’s a valid question, and the short answer is still yes. Why would I leave? Community is important to be, vital even. Big cities are unappealing, and every place has its flaws. I want to be around people I can love and be loved by on a daily basis.
(The long answer to where I’ll settle has to do with a future wife. I want to make room for a life with someone, and for me it includes being open to living in another city. To be clear, I do not want to leave, but I may.)
Yesterday, while I worked on an oil pastel drawing, I felt nothing. The good nothing. The present nothing. The peaceful nothingness that comes from focus and enthusiasm. No feeling or thoughts, just doing. I loved it and crave more.
In that wonderful moment, my creativity opened up, and I could see with more clarity the path my art creation is headed. My motivation shot way, way up. As proof, I haven’t done a thing today, and I don’t want to work on marketing projects. I want to create. It’s not about being famous or wealthy, it’s about letting out whatever is inside. Because whatever is inside me is good.
A river is pouring out of my chest, a previously damned river. And I aim to let it run.
Today, August 13th, I could care less about where I’ll live or how to make money. I give those to God the way Jesus said when I promised “seek first the Kingdom of God, and all these things will be added to you.”
I can’t wait to get home and create.
