A: Love Reveals Purpose

I once wondered blind, straining to hear kind voices.

My hands cut off and eyes removed, my only option was to follow the direction of the voices down one empty road and up another. I dragged my heart behind me, refusing to touch it. It was ugly. Dust and muck and crusty memories clung to me. On I marched, in search of rest from my filthy condition.

My hopes stood on the shoulders of the voices. Oh what sweet voices they were. Warm, encouraging, well-intentioned voices. And they belonged to warm, encouraging, well- intentioned men and women. Giving people. Compassionate people. Yet every map they gave and every encouragement made led to the another dead end.

I hold not a sin against them for their efforts. I asked and they answered as well as their wisdom allowed.

Eventually my search took me beyond secure into risk. The wisdom in this venture was not in the doing but in the being. As I sat at this table, crippled as always, I found no solace or purpose, my heart tucked up under my chair. The longer I sat at the table the more I battled to remain. In my mind I played a game. Should I win this game, then, and only then, might I have the chance to rest. To heal. To be me. No. I had to stay glued to my seat. I had to win this game.

Day after day, I slogged my way back to the table. Night after night, I meditated on whether I should return. Having traveled enough roads, and sat at many tables, I knew I didn’t have the heart to win this game.

Late one evening, I found myself looking into a mirror, drawn by the One who is the mirror. Obvious for the first time to me then, as it may be to you, is I indeed have eyes. And hands. And my heart is where it need be, in my chest. The layers of grime and shame gone. What was this? A trick? All of my life was, until that moment, a series of failed journeys and disappointment.

Then the Mirror began to speak. Having nothing left and no where to go, I listened.

“I love you. I am in love with you. And I command you to love you as I love you. Look at yourself through my eyes- not broken or used up. You are beautiful and strong. Brave and creative. Relax. Let your feet follow me, and I will give you the Peace and Joy you want.”

All the voices faded into silence as I carefully considered the Lord’s offer. I studied the choices in my head. The streets I traveled, I knew. I knew their promises and the danger in believing in such promises, and the tables they led to. What the God of Love and Grace offered me was a chance to be me, to cut my own path.

So here I sit, powered by love, chopping my way through another day. I no longer walk the paved roads of another’s calling. I no longer listen to the kind voices of my friends. Through love and devotion, I found my way. My beautiful heart is finally at peace.