Journal: #322 Random Coffee Thoughts
I am over-caffeinated right now. I can feel that my eyes are slightly bulgy, and my thoughts are frantic. Not bad frantic, just sporadic and quick. My ability to focus is suffering, which makes this a humorous enterprise— at the moment. As I type I am concerned about the looming coffee crash. Oh well. Perhaps this afternoon will require an extra dollop of grace.
Here’s a random sample of my brainscape:
This morning I went to Wal Mart to buy supplies for my trip to Mt Hood. The workers were busy re-stocking empty shelves, and the store was as peaceful as a Wal-Mart can be. Most of the employees looked middle-aged and tired— the type of workers with families and middle-aged concerns. Few made eye contact, even less smiled. Working for Wal-Mart probably carries few social perks. Netflix does not make specials on the glory of hourly work in big retail (the opposite is more little.) I wanted to hug each person I saw and thank them for their hard work.
Last year, I didn’t know what to do for my 40th birthday, so I fled to South Carolina. At the time, I thought throwing a party for myself would be lame. I do not think that anymore. If I want to host a party for myself, I will.
A loss of hope can usher in fear, which leads to the dark side of life— judgment, anxiety, shame, etc. As a Christian, whenever we lose hope, it’s an opportunity to turn to the Holy Spirit. In all likelihood, we need a new infusion of hope from the Lord, or we need to move on from the situation. No unnecessary handwringing or strain. (Or, as like as possible.) We need to grow more comfortable “moving on.” And, as always, the Lord is the answer.
I’m ready for an infusion of new friends. Nothing against my current friends. They are God’s goodness and grace to me. Most of them are also married, with kids. Even my two newest friends— Nathan and Hudson- will both be married by the end of October. I need the everyday type of community. (Which I lost when a certain couple moved back to Texas.)
My trip to Mt Hood is going to be emotional- in a good way. I can feel it.
This is a good place to stop. I have more thoughts but most of them are fragments. Tomorrow, I will write my entry from Oregon.
(God is good. All the time. Which means I am good…all the time. You too. Any voice, no matter how convincing, that tells us otherwise is bullshit.)
