Journal: #303 Nik to Major Tom
I just typed a bunch of nonsense and spent too much time doing it. I know what I want to write, but my mind is censoring my heart. It’s a bit like trying to mold clay. The sculpture is there, waiting to be discovered. And so, with today's post, the subject is there (the obligation each of us has to walk in our calling and destiny), but I’m unwilling to let it out. I’m afraid to offend parents who use their children as an excuse to be powerless. Now that I’ve exposed my hesitation, I’ll continue.
This morning, my roommate sent me a text about Major Tom. That led to a discussion of the movie Walter Mitty. However, the song Space Oddity, more commonly known as Major Tom by David Bowie, is my favorite. The tune has many interpretations ranging from the lows of drug abuse to facing the unknown with courage. I prefer the latter perspective.
As my readers know, I’d rather face the unknown than live a life of boring routines. It’s a luxury for me to be able to think this way. Most people are hung up trying to take care of someone else, a spouse, a child, or a parent. I’m privileged, and I know it. We are born, educated, and told to get a job. It’s the happy few who can take stock of what they really want- how they want to impact the world. Many people are in debt and family deep by the time they realize who they are. More importantly, we are often locked into life-sucking patterns and sequences. My heart hurts for the parents and spouses married to lives radically different from want they wanted from life.
I recognize the commitment required to be a good partner and parent. I don’t dismiss or encourage anyone to be a shitty husband or wife. However, children and responsibilities are not an excuse to live in misery. Each one of us has a passion and a destiny. The denial of the pursuit of these passions and destinies leads to sick hearts. Self-denial is NOT healthy. (There’s a difference between self-denial and self-discipline. One is a state of self-defeat, and the other is a state of self-care. Suffering unfulfilled dreams is not the same as suffering the temptation of a brownie.)
I’m committed to venturing into my promised land. It’s mine, and the desert is boring. At times I was willing to sacrifice my desires for a woman and a family. Now I realize I don’t have to. My mission is to be me, to marry someone who is who she is, and to raise our kids to do the same. What a glorious part of my destiny. My task today is to be the man I want my future children to respect and follow. I don’t want to tell my kids how life should be lived. I want to model it for them.
It’s an odd thought to have, but I’m glad I’m thinking it. As single as I am, I want to be the man my kids will respect. I want them to know how to live their best lives because they see me doing it. I want them to see me love the Lord, love their mother, and myself. Then I want them to be little Major Toms. I want them to explore, create, and grow. They won’t learn what I can’t teach them, so I owe them my best effort. I owe it to them to be me, to explore, to create, and grow.
Today, I promise to be the man I want my children to know. I promise to be bold and courageous, to face whatever lies between me and my best life. I reject the wordly lies. I reject the idea only some people can live out their dreams. I reject fear and complacency. Today, I’m Major Tom. I’m climbing in my tin can and shooting far above my known world.
