Vol IV: #16 Love To Draw
If I wanted to uproot my life, enroll in med school, and become a doctor, I believe I could do it. Or an engineer, the field doesn’t matter. Pick any mentally challenging, technical field, and I believe I could succeed. But, set me down with a stack of newsprint and a pencil and I fall apart. Seems absurd to think, more so to write and put into the world.
I’m sure some will mock my thoughts, Nik, have you even tried to learn organic chemistry? And didn’t you fail physics? Twice? While it’s true, my grades in the sciences are lackluster, I want to remind the jury I earned A’s in biology when I decided to try. Systems, even variable systems, are easy to understand. But to produce something new, to capture something unknown to the the universe, then create it, that’s my challenge.
You see, I feel like a failure because my drawings are shit. They are eight grade at best. And I struggle to keep from filling my trash bin. I know I’m being harsh on myself. I know I need to be patient, that the excellence will come from the doing, from making slight adjustments every day. But man, do I suck right now.
And if I give up or self-sabotage, I’ll have lost the battle to my enemies called self-pity and shame. But my friend Love says to be patient and kind. Endure. And more than these, tie your heart to hope. Forgive yourself, and move on.
