Vol III: #6 Killing The Critic
I haven’t sent my DNA to be a lab, but I assume most of my genes come from west Germany. The rest of my DNA is most likely from the British Isles with scattered contributions from France and the Netherlands. This conglomeration is why I call myself a Euro-mutt when asked “what are you?” (The most accurate answer is “I’m American,” but that’s not the point.)
Culturally, of any foreign culture I’ve encountered, I am German to the bone. It’s a country and people I understand with little effort. From my perspective, Germans are kind and generous. They appreciate order and a clean street. And, they are a hard-working bunch. To these points, the old man I stayed with, Manfred, was the German version of all my great uncles. He offered me his best food and drinks and patiently answered all my questions about Kaiserstuhl. (The wine making land around Botzingen.) Though retired, he still works three part-time jobs and is a deacon in the church. I could’ve called him Uncle Manfred.
While most of my visit was a blast, one aspect of German culture I recognized made me sick to my stomach. It’s when I heard people criticizing each other that my heart sank into my feet. “Why didn’t you do this? He should’ve (fill-in the blank) more. I would’ve done better.” Honestly, I wanted to cry. And, in weird way, I was relieved. The Curfmans can be very critical of each other (and ourselves), and this trip helped me to see it is a cultural inheritance. To be a critic is a learned behavior. I needed to observe it in another culture to understand how and why I had similar traits.
Culture, on a large scale, is hard to break. But, on a personal level, it’s easy to smash. To be a critic is boring and hard work. I can’t begin to count all the hours I’ve wasted on my opinions and pride. The thing is, it is easy to see where people are flawed and make mistakes. Hello to being human. And, I don’t want to be an asshole to others or myself.
The Bible doesn’t say “behold I sit at the right hand and I hate on all your flaws and mistakes.” On the contrary, Jesus is rooting for us. That’s who I want to be- the one who believes the best about people and calls them reach their potential. And far be it from me to judge where they are in the process. Kill the critic, I say. That bastard is hurting everyone.
