Exactly three weeks ago I sat on a conference call and sank into a pool of self-pity. Why? A '“prophetic minister” gave out prophetic words, and I didn’t get one. Childish, right? I know. It’s comical now, but I let it ruin the better part of my day.

Old Wounds

My blog post that day (Gratitude of Change) made veiled mention of the issue in my heart. How many times have I sat in a church service or team meeting only to be disappointed. Legion. I used the exposed bitterness as on opportunity to grow. The problem that day three weeks ago wasn’t my lack, rather my judgement.

I went into the meeting with high expectations. If I got a prophetic word it would be a good meeting, and if I didn’t then it was a terrible meeting. I had no grace for the meeting hosts or the guest ministers, and I left no room for gratitude.

Time to Grow Up

The Holy Spirit helped me see all of the above- the entitlement, the lack of grace and gratitude. I can laugh about it now. In a matter of minutes I reverted to a 21 year-old me. My anger and insecurity kindled by thoughtless ministry types. How silly.

As I learned to do last year, I simply turned a corner and went on living my life. There’s no need to linger over our faults. Repent and more forward. As Revelation 3:19 says “The people I love, I call to account—prod and correct and guide so that they’ll live at their best. Up on your feet, then! About face! Run after God!” (The Message)

The Lord Laughs

This morning, we had another conference call with another prophetic minister. It didn’t register with me what happened until it was over. To be honest, I sent private messages to other people to assume myself, on the call during the call. I can’t recall a single thing the man said to anyone else. I can’t even remember his name. Adam?

Yet, before the call ended, he said my name. I was shaken from my role as class clown. Then the man- who I still cannot name- began to confirm everything the Lord told me over the last year. I can’t recall everything he said to me, but in the moment I thought “oh…this is the Lord confirming His goodness to me. I’m not crazy.”

After the call ended, I sat in my chair for an extended pause….and laughed. God has a sense of humor. You better believe it. Part of me feels like a real asshole for how I acted today, yet part of me doesn’t.

He Loves Us Because He Loves Us

How long do any of us need to hold onto the lie we have to act a certain way for the Lord to love us? It’s not true. Today, of all days, I didn’t “deserve” a word from the Lord. (It’s really bothering me I can’t remember the man’s name. LOLOLOLOL) It’s because He loves me I received an encouraging word today. He loved me three weeks ago too. Three weeks ago wasn’t the time, no matter how worthy I thought I was. Today was the day.

Damn, What A Long Month

As I wrote yesterday and in many post since I started this blog, God is Good. It's only wise to show up everyday, what ever we have to give. Earlier this month I was in a dither about life, and now I’m not. The only difference is Him. He never stops talking and walking with me.

January felt like a year crammed into 31 days. It’s awesome. I went from introspective to joyful in a matter of weeks. It’s not me. It’s the Lord. He’s good like that. Keep showing up friends. He’ll be there.

Lord, I lift up all my friends who are hurting one way or another tonight. To those who need a physical healing, I proclaim life to their bodies. To them who need peace and joy, I proclaim gratitude and love to their hearts.

Heal my dad’s ass.

Amen.