Journal: #232 He Loves Us
Jordan Edwards loved to work with his hands. He fixed small engines for money, and played just about any stringed instrument worth playing on the weekends. His push-broom mustache highlighted his plump cheeks and dark hazel eyes. He got a tattoo of a slice of pizza on his wrist because “I like pizza.” He was 34 years-old, quiet and soft spoken. And early this morning, he breathed his last breath. The result of a two year war with blood cancer.
Jordan was a son, a brother, and a good partner for Gina. What happened to him his so random, and unfair. The doctors tried every tactic at their disposal including a stem cell transplant from his older brother Blake. (Blake is one of my very best friends, and my heart is broken for him.) The entire trek was a slow slide down a hill. Now here we are, at rock bottom. Steep walls are on every side.
In moments such as this, words are empty. Life grinds to an unwanted stop, and very little seems as important as it did the day before. My mind can run wild. Jordan is the ninth man I’ve known to die between the ages of 20 and 40. Nine young men. Nine. None of them from war. How dare we take a moment for granted?! And, none of this makes any damn sense.
I don’t know what the appropriate response is. I know I’m tired of praying for miracles. Better said, I’m tired of not seeing them. It’s easier to give up and let go, to accept what seems inevitable. Yet, I know I won’t stop. I can’t. Life without Faith is harder than life with it. In this shitty slice of life I will not give up or stop believing in the love and greatness of God.
Today reminds of a day almost twenty years ago, when Steve Coffey died in a car accident on his way to a basketball game. He was 23. Later that night, his best friend wrote a song from an empty hotel room- which would go on to touch millions of people around the world. So as I sit on my bed, tears on my face, I don’t know how the Lord will win the glory from today. I just know he will. He loves us.
