Journal: #315 Grief is Grief
I spoke to my friend Blake for almost two hours last night. From the start I knew he was down. Blake is a man who wants to do right to each and every person in his life. I empathize with him. I do too. The problem is “doing right” for one person can and does often conflict with what is right for another. The grief of his brother’s death is still fresh. The whole family is hurting, but he can’t make everyone happy. Newly married, my friend is navigating what it means to choose his wife above all others.
As I listened to him, my heart broke. I can’t imagine being in his shoes. His mother lives alone, and his dad expects him for holidays. From my perspective the answers are clear, obvious even. It’s ok to be imperfect. Your life is complicated. Set boundaries and be gracious with yourself. How easy we find the answers for others. Yet, they seem hidden when we need them.
What alarmed me today was my attitude toward another friend of mine, another soul suffering from grief. This particular man has been through the wash for a while. To make matters worse, he lacks the self-worth and emotional tools to handle it. Alcohol is his medication of choice. I don’t judge myself for self-medicating. Why would I? But, I’ve judged him because I do not empathize with his plight. The problems in his life seem ordinary. Better put, he’s not justified to me. What a terrible thing for me to admit. The hypocrisy is truly evident. Who am I to say one grief is more valid than another?
Grief is grief regardless of source. Love does not say one person’s hurt is more painful than another’s. How dare we belittle a child or a friend? What’s tough for one person is not for another. Death is a real bitch for some people. Break-ups…are hard for some people. We all have some act or condition that breaks us. Grace, being what it is, does not classify them. Neither should we.
Lord, forgive me for judging my friend (and family for that matter.) I’m sorry I did that, and I don’t want to do it again. Thank your for showing me this dark place in my heart. I want there to be only light. Your light. - Amen
