August 17th was an anniversary of sorts. It marked my last trip to the Emergency Room for an unidentified stomach illness. I didn’t think about it until that morning. Nearly on cue, my good friend Jess (who was with me in the ER), texted me her recollection of the day. 

Her texts mirrored my own thoughts and feelings. It was horrible, yes. But, the Lord won the moment. His goodness endures. My next thought was,”People might want to know this story and see God’s goodness.” After a few edits to some screenshots of Jess’ texts, I proudly posted the story to Instagram. 

The response…was not what I expected, or wanted. Most people seemed to offer pity, and some even seemed annoyed,”You never told me this.” By the end of the day I decided to take the post down. (Only to put it back up.) Whatever I thought it might accomplish did not happen. My attempt to encourage people in the Lord failed.

I was discouraged. Why did people focus on the gory details and not the triumph of love and grace? Why are their heads down? I started judging people for looking at the wrong details of my story, but the Lord reeled me in. 

1) I have no idea what any of these people, my friends, are going through, or what their reactions indicate about their emotional, mental, spiritual status.

2) Who am I to judge? EVEN IF some of them can’t see the God’s glory, don’t they need good stories more than ever? Who am I?

3) It’s the next step in the maturation, man. You will always and forever be misunderstood. That’s life. Not a deal breaker, or anything to be offended by. It’s not about you…remember?

Yes, I remember. Post and let go. 

The next day, I got the following text from one of my best friends, “Wanted to say thank for your post yesterday. Up for a quick call?” 

Within an hour we were voice to voice, yucking it up about our upcoming camping trip, then his tone became somber. He gave me the latest update on his brother’s battle with blood cancer. He is battling for his life, new drugs, chemotherapy, the whole bit. Cancer f-cking sucks. 

On the same day I posted about my triumph over my strange stomach illness, the brother posted about his current fight with cancer. He posted about facing his mortality and his views on life. My good friend was discouraged by it. My friend felt boxed in and unable to relate to his brother. 

Then his wife told him to read my post. As he read it, he became encouraged, that he could sit in his truth and let it be. He didn’t have to hide himself from his brother. I put my phone on mute and cried while he talked. I felt the most gentile rebuke of my life. 

If I am going to love and encourage anyone, let it be those closest to me. Let it be my family and friends. What foolishness by me, to judge myself by the reactions of a few, to judge them at all. If everyone else completely missed the point (they didn’t, I’m projecting), but this friend got it, I’m happy. 

And that’s the way it’s gonna be most of the time. People, friends and family, are going to miss what I mean to say. (Part of it is on me as I am still learning to communicate.) I’ll never know the full impact of my life has on others. And it would be folly to chase that validation. 

God is good, and people need to hear it everyday. He is good to me in the ER, and when I’m allowing my ego to be a judge.  

Post and let go.