DJ: #47 Forty Year Old Wisdom

If you ever wonder, does life get better as you age? My answer is yes. If you chase after it. Even with some recent disappointments, I wouldn’t trade my life with anyone else. I’m grateful for the life I’ve lived, as I’ve lived it. The desire to “go back and fix” our past is useless. All we can do is embrace the movement forward. Willingly or unwillingly, life will move on.

For my small band of readers, I want to offer the little wisdom I have. And because wisdom is eternal, none of it is new or original. Still, what I have I give to you.

1. Jesus is real. The actual God of the Universe and beyond walked this earth, breathed our air, and burned under the same sun we do. He is our Light and our Exemplar. His love is genuine and everlasting. And He is always available, ready to connect.

2. Let your meat rest after you cook it. Can’t stress this enough. Regardless of animal or cut, let your meat rest for a minimum of five minutes, ideally ten, before you cut into it. For big roasts and whole chickens, more like fifteen to twenty minutes.

3. Self-pity is not a virtue. With a truck-ton of experience to back me up on this, “feeling sorry for yourself” will accomplish zero in your life. I do not lack empathy for anyone, especially when life stacks up losses. The people I admire are the people who fight on and can laugh in the face of life’s bullshit.

4. Similar to the last: Being a victim is not a choice, staying a victim is. Rain is going to fall on you. Relationships will collapse, hopes will burn to ruin, and shame will come calling. So what? You are not your failures. Do not allow your pain to define you or drag you into shame.

5. Don’t let perfect defeat good. Perfect doesn’t exist. Don’t idealize jobs, institutions, leaders, people, or places. Once your stare hard enough you’ll see the cracks, and you’ll only have yourself to blame for having put the pedestal in place.

6. You are not alone. Depression and anxiety whisper “you’re stuck and alone.” That’s bullshit. You are a human. And whatever problems you face, others have faced. They were not special. You are not the exception. You can defeat the dragon.

7. Fight the dragon before it eats you. If you know you’re holding onto fear, or anger, or whatever, GO AFTER THAT SONOFABITCH! Don’t wait for your worries to run your life, because they will.

8. If you don’t like you, no amount of love will be enough. My search for self-affection took a long time. I set the final pieces in place this year, and it’s fantastic. Compliments mean far less than they ever did. So wild how that works.

9. Exercise. Everyday. A walk in nature is best. Not joking. Read this study, and this study, and this study.

10. Chill out. You’re gonna be ok. Start by telling yourself, “I’m gonna be ok” over and over.

11. The Christian walk is about way more than avoiding sin and constant self improvement. Walking with Jesus is an honor of joy. Creating room for Jesus to be Jesus ultimately leads to everything good and satisfying in life. Cut yourself some slack, and breath when the weight feels heavy.

12. Pray. All the time. About Everything. Yes. Jesus is one-hundred percent interested in every detail of your life- your gassy lunch, that dude at work, politics, everything. Which leads to…

13. Be honest in prayer. If you’re feeling disconnected, pissed-off, happy, horny, sad, tired, sleepy, jacked, overwhelmed, busy, lazy, unappreciated, overstimulated, unworthy, peaceful, thankful…etc, start there. I can’t stress enough how much the Lord needs us to be honest when we pray, mostly for us. The Father does not want to hear what we think we should say. Talk about what’s real in your life. Once or twice a week I start with, “Lord, I’m feeling sorry for myself.” Within a few minutes I am no longer mired in self-pity.

14. Show up everyday, do something buried in your heart to do. Your heart, my heart, and your mom’s heart have something in them we want to do. A longing. We ache and sour when that thing is ignored and belittled. Let your heart breath and grow.

15. Drink more water.

16. Eat more veggies. As American’s, we don’t do veggies really well. Also, we think corn is vegetable. It is not. If you need help, look to Asia or Europe for ideas. YouTube is a great resource to learn how to cook greens or eggplant or cauliflower.

17. Stop watching bullshit. Stop listening to bullshit. Stop reading bullshit. Whatever we put into our soul influences how we see the world and interpret life. I love Elliott Smith’s music, but it’s depressing AF. Dude had a rough life, so I can’t listen to it.

18. You will always find a reason to do something…or not do that thing. This is from my dad, but it’s true. We humans are quite amazing at finding ways to motivate or defeat ourselves.

19. You will always encounter resistance when it comes to anything worth doing. Start a business? Get into a new relationship? Change careers? The promise of something good eventually gives way to the path of its realization, which is difficult for every worth while venture. KEEP GOING.

20. Laugh. A lot. At dumb things. Our 21st century worship of the intellect is a damn travesty. It sucks the joy and wonder from the world far too often. Let yourself find joy in the silly and unexpected.

21. You can’t carry the world on your shoulders. I’ve tried. Many have tried. You are the rule, as we were. Let it go.

22. When you need to know what side the gas tank is, look at the gas gauge. Every car has an arrow on the gas gauge, and that gas gauge points to the side of the gas cap, right or left.

23. Butter, salt and pepper, and a touch of vinegar will make nearly anything taste better. Fat, acid, salt. I think that’s book. I’m not sure, but it’s basic Food Theory 101.

24. Quit trying to be an expert. True expertise requires years of dedication and intent. If you haven’t spent years intentionally engaged in something, lower your expectations. Be kind to yourself.

25. Talent is real, but it means nothing without dedication and persistence. Success is about endurance and grit. Ever see someone doing something and think “I could do that.” The truth is you probably could, but do you have their endurance?

26. Discounts are great, but not on the following items: Knives. Tattoos. Seafood. Contractors. Mattresses. Lawyers.

27. Be disciplined, not controlled. Discipline is how we decided to respond to life. Control is how we try to get others to respond to life.

28. Challenge the narrative in your head. When we get anxious or stressed, we usually only see two choices: the ideal we want or the certain disaster. I love to ask myself “What if that’s not true? What else is possible?”

29. Speak life and you will have it. Listen to your thoughts and the words you speak. Are you speaking life to yourself? To others? Cynicism is the shield of the afraid and downtrodden. Pick your head up. Speak life over yourself, and don’t stop till you position your heart toward heaven.

30. Cultivate gratitude. Every single person has something to be grateful for. And most of us are lucky enough to have many blessings. Take time to recognize it in your life. Every, damn, day.

31. Judgment and comparison are thieves of life. If you find yourself in a position of constant judgment of others, or comparing your life to others…that’s your problem. It’s an act of self-protection. Take your ass on to Jesus and work through it.

32. Lard makes a superior buttermilk biscuit. I’ve tried shortening and butter. But lard makes a far superior biscuit.

33. Carbs are not evil, but too many carbs will make you fat. Enjoy your breads, potatoes, and rice noodles. Just make sure you eat your veggies and drink plenty of water.

34. Wild animals are…wild…animals. You should expect a wild animal to act like a wild animal no matter how cute or tame they may appear.

35. Procrastination is overhyped. I work better under the gun of a deadline. And I love the energy I get from knowing I’ve got to get a project finished. Besides, even if I’m not working on a project, I am thinking about it.

36. Trust the Lord with your life. I amaze myself how often I tried to make something work, failed, and yet I’m ok. I’m where I need to be, headed toward the place I need to be. At 40, I trust the Lord.

37. Love the Lord with all you heart, all your soul, and all your mind. Be patient, kind, long-suffering, forward-moving, enduring, hoping, faithing, forgiving, gracious, persistent, and honest toward the Lord. I’ve walked with the Lord for 20 years. It’s a real relationship. And loving Jesus is the best decision I’ve ever made, and continue to make.

38. Love your neighbors. Be patient, kind, long-suffering, forward-moving, enduring, hoping, faithing, forgiving, gracious, persistent, and honest toward your neighbors. Jesus never said it would be easy.

39. Love your enemies. Be patient, kind, long-suffering, forward-moving, enduring, hoping, faithing, forgiving, gracious, persistent, and honest toward your enemies. Only love can change an enemy into a friend.

40. Love yourself. Be patient, kind, long-suffering, forward-moving, enduring, hoping, faithing, forgiving, gracious, persistent, and honest with yourself. If you don’t love you, you will not believe anyone else can love you.