Attacking my Fears

(Onward, Nik. He’s got you.)

If you have to fight a dragon, you should go to its lair before it comes to your village. - Jordan Peterson

Today, I will take the next step in my evolution as a man pursuing God. That’s right. I’m gonna post the URL for this blog to my Instagram profile. BOOOOOM! (LOL) I know what you’re thinking. How bold! I know. I’m amazing.

 In truth, it is bold, for me. 

Until today, I’ve written and posted from my quiet internet cavern. Safe. Secure. Willing to write and be known by my parents and a few close friends. But today, as soon as I proofread and press Post, I’ll post the URL in my profile, a very low key, but very real public reveal. 

My conflict and fear stems from what I’ve written. I’ve described people and moments of my life. People and moments known to those who are most likely to read this (at first.) And yet, I’m not ashamed of anything I wrote. I am afraid of rejection. A thing never means what we want it to mean, and the human endeavor is plagued with triggered misunderstandings. Still, I’ve got to take the next step. I do beg anyone who believes I’ve written about them, reach out to me if anything offended you. Let’s set it right.

My motivation to make this small, but significant step forward stems from my desire to attack fear rather than let it rest. At present, I can recognize several fears kicking around my heart- making this blog public is just one of them. 

As I type, I am laughing. The fear of this is likely far greater than the reality will be. What’s most likely to happen a few people will visit my Instagram profile, fewer still will click the URL, and of that number only a small handful will stick around to read anything. 

Even still, I do not want to let fear win any area of my life. And so I must confront it, one by one. I did not come this far to be pushed back into the corner of humiliation and powerlessness. Whatever intense conversations may ensue, it will be an opportunity to grow, onward. 

Thank you Lord for pushing my heart toward hope and strength. I want to rest in Your shadow and eat Your bread. Jesus didn’t hide His goodness or keep His love hidden. Likewise, I will not keep what You’ve given me under my bed or in my closet. It’s good and without end, because You are good and without end. 

Amen.