Vol II: #19 Honest Prayers

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A year ago- when I spent hours crying in the woods- I would’ve told you to be honest with the Lord in prayer. On the heels of a broken business venture and a romantic failure, I couldn’t keep the pain and disappointment to myself. My sorrow and shame bubbled out of me like a volcano, and the Father was gracious to listen. This process kept me honest and hopeful in the midst of the upheaval.

Sometime earlier this year, I stopped being honest with the Holy Spirit. I wasn’t dishonest; no one can lie to the Lord. But, I stopped talking about the deep hurts still in me and the day-to-day bumps in the road. I’d need a professional and a few hours of counseling to determine why I stopped. Whatever the answer, it must include embarrassment. I was embarrassed to continually talk about the same hurts. Some people love to complain without end, but I’m not one of them.

My desire to “get over” pain is a form of unhealthy pride, which is based on fear. I don’t want to be a whiney bitch. Right? Shut up. Be a man. Get over it. (Does that ever work, by the way? Does anyone just “get over” whatever held them up? I have yet to see it. We either act or remain frozen.)

Last week I read Philippians 4 and it crushed me. Paul was brazen enough to write the words “Be anxious for nothing,” which in modern context sounds like a burdensome command. But, it isn’t. There’s a translation of the New Testament by Kenneth Wuest. It’s said to be the most rigid translation from Greek to English available. The “Be anxious for nothing” verses look like this:

Stop worrying about even one thing, but in everything by prayer whose essence is that of worship and devotion and by supplication which is a cry for your personal needs, with thanksgiving let your requests for the things asked for be made known in the presence of God, and the peace of God which pass all power of comprehension shall mount gaurd over your hearts and mind in Christ Jesus.

With all do your respect to every other translation (I love The Message for its poetry, though it leaves room for improvement), I choose to believe Paul would approve of this version. And, what do we learn? Nothing new. How many times does an angel, Jesus, or the Lord say “be not afraid” in scripture? Many, many times. It usually comes when the Lord is in the room and we begin to focus on ourselves; our sins, weakness, and pain. “Be not afraid” and “Be anxious for nothing” are Biblical ways of saying “Everything is going to be ok.”

Paul goes on because he knows we hurt. He knows we have real fears and shames. Needs are more than physical, more than food on the table, or relational. Life isn’t simple and mental/emotional scars are more real than anything on our skin. Paul is well aware of the human tendency to stuff our needs and desires to the back of our lives. In the next few verses, he told the Philippians to take all their cares and worries to the Lord. In this practice, we will find the peace of God beyond words. That’s one hell of a promise.

Last night, I prayed about a few things I previously dared to discuss. It was by His leading. I didn’t want to talk about some old, old wounds. I prefer to think of myself as healed and whole. Regardless, that’s what we did. I snotted and cried my way through it. In the end, I felt that peace, and few pounds lighter.

I won’t divulge the details, but know this, the Lord fulfills His promises. Keep praying. Never stop talking about what’s important to you, even if it’s what you said yesterday. The Lord is all ears. He’ll lead you through the most painful moments of your life in ways you can’t fathom. On the other side is peace. Real peace. Stay honest with Him. He can take it because He already knows. Honesty with Him is really being honest with yourself.

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Abstract: Desire of A Committed Heart

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I do not want to be great.

Donut be grate.

Donna be grayte.

Doena be gRRRRATE!

Yes I do.

I wanna play with angels and ride holy lions,

smoke the Jesus pipe and lay hands on the sick,

to see them recover.

I wanna steal slaves from the slave master,

lead them through the swamps of death,

onward to God’s Gloryland.

I wanna defy logic and breath fire,

soak in His kindness,

so when I stagger into a room,

It melts under His love.

I want atheists to KNOW!

To be shook to their core,

Jesus is real.

Religion is shit,

and church is a mess,

But Jesus? He’s real.

If my politics, intellect or style,

prevents me from all this,

strip me now Lord.

No knowledge is worth holding,

no experience worthy of loving,

than to know and experience Your covering.

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