Journal: #317 A Year Ago

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June 25th, 2020 was a Thursday. I worked on an email journey for a customer and talked to my friend Blake on the phone. Five days prior, I worked my last shift on the smoker, signed my ownership rights over to Jason, and officially moved on from ODell Craft BBQ. I didn’t have an idea what I should do next. Everything I planned and believed in was gone. I was in pain and directionless. My heart bled but remained hopeful. It was time for my faith to shine. The only course I knew was to cleave to the Lord and submit to Him.

I challenged myself to stay submitted, which I did. The last year had ups and downs, but I held onto Him. And, it was good. I moved on from the disappointments to where I am today, and I like it. Every day, I draw a little, invest a little, write a ton, and enjoy walks in the sun. These are all the things I wanted to do but wouldn’t allow myself to enjoy. Despite the heartache, I know this is the Lord’s plan for my life.

All I had a year ago was a belief God had my back. Literally. That’s it. It was also the first time I fully submitted to His leadership. After 20 years of walking with Jesus, I finally said, “Ok, Lord. Let’s do this your way.” At that moment, I said goodbye to all previous motivation. I see now; I had to. Most of my motivation was controlled by my need for affirmation. I wanted people to value me; therefore, what they encountered was a dumbed-down version of me. It was a Nik quick to make amends, sound smart, and hungry for praise. It’s fitting I spent the last year working alone— without much praise. It gave me plenty of space to address my need for external affirmation.

This is how I want my life to be: to move with the Lord in the direction I should go. I spent the last year doing that. I hope I have many more.

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