DJ: #63 Crazy Good Year

On September 15th, 2019, I ate lunch with a group of old friends. They stopped in Redding for a quick visit, and I fit them into my schedule between barbecue shifts. We laughed at the same stories we always tell, and gave updates on our current lives. When it ended, I watched them drive onto the their next stop, somewhere in Oregon. I went home to prep for the next week of business.

A year ago I was single, but happy. I owned a small share in a barbecue catering company, and generally believed I was on my path to greatness. Life was good, supposedly. If some ancient prophet with gangly silver hair had fully detailed the next year of my life, I would’ve done one of two things. First I would’ve disputed his prophecy. Clearly he’s an idiot. And two, I would’ve run from it. No one wants to be split open and exposed.

The last year included the following:

1) I dated and fell in love with the most wonderful woman I’ve ever dated. So, of course we broke up.

2) After growing the BBQ business, I eventually made the decision to leave the company.

3) I had another falling out with my sister.

4) My roommate and I grew apart.

5) I got sick with same stomach issue I had in August of 2019. A condition I am want to avoid at all costs.

6) I was socially isolated due to the job change, girlfriend change, COVID, and fires.

And then there are external events to consider: COVID-19 , fires and smoke, political unrest, etc.

This is how Nik previously defined his reality. He only considered the emotionally difficult moments, and what value those moments communicated about him. As an example, a breakup would send me into a shame spiral because I clearly ‘wasn’t good enough for her.’

But…this is not how I see myself or life any more. Let’s complete this picture of the last 365 days:

1) I increased my time with Jesus to new levels. Daily, multiple times a day, levels. And good God, what a return. I am me, but also more me than ever before. If this were the only bright area of my life over the last year, it would be more than enough. I can’t stress how blessed I am in the commitment to sit before him everyday.

2) I dug up my heart and what’s in it to do. It is scary, but also alive. I can’t go back.

3) I finally figured out what loving me looks like on a daily basis. One metric is my physical health. Since the beginning of the year I am down 40 pounds, and since January of 2019 I am down almost 80 pounds.

4) I learned how to recognize, battle, and defeat bullsh-t negative emotions and thoughts. It’s a process, but I’m glad I have it in my arsenal.

5) I started writing on the daily.

6) I stated creating on the daily.

7) I built this website.

8) I’ve built new friendships and driven deeper into some old ones.

9) I left the BBQ business on good terms with Jason, the owner. I’m one of their biggest fans and pray for all the good things for them.

10) And that lady I mentioned at the top, we are friends. Real friends. I love her so much, I won’t let a little thing like a gut-wrenching break-up keep me from having her in my life.

The great new heights I experienced with Jesus, and the depths I explored in myself, make all of it worth it. Every heart ache, every moment of dejection, all of it is worth it. I have no shame or humiliation related to the last year. And I suspect, if I stick to Jesus, I never will.