In my Christian bubble we pray for many things- money, healing, joy, peace, etc. Some of us take it a step further and ask for the Heart of God. (I have been know to ask God for His eyes.) Today, as I thought about the last two weeks, a new request entered my mind. Lord, give me Your patience. Sure, I (and probably you) have prayed for patience in a trying moment, one in which I just wanted relief. This is different.

As I climb the mountain of my calling, I begin to recognize the need for an entirely new set of skills and abilities. They will take time to develop and need mentoring. I’m not arrogant enough to think I can perfect myself. The patience I want isn’t an emotional painkiller, and it comes from a place of faith not desperation. It is a way of life, which I’ve had in spurts. Now is the time to integrate patience into all aspects of my life.

The Patience of God is built on His faith and vision, because He sees the end. Fear takes stock of only the moment and can’t see beyond its nose. Faith says there is a way, a future, and a purpose. Fear runs to hide and gives to take. Faith moves the mountain even when the mountain laughs at our prayer and mocks our dedication.

As I sum the totals of what I am walking into, it is radically different than what I knew. Faith is not blind. Love is not weak. And, Patience is not suffering. Patience is the place to experience the big joy and peace of Him. And the only way to let this work grow is by showing up. Patience doesn’t lose it’s cool when today falls apart. It knows tomorrow is coming, and God is good to those who follow Him.

When I strip away all the bullshit and render it down to the basic elements, all Jesus asked us to do is show up. Show the f-ck up. Be present. Let Him do the work.

When we feel fantastic about life, when we feel like garbage about ourselves, when we make public mistakes, when we miss an opportunity to show grace, when we nail a presentation at work, when a client emails at 10 pm on a Sunday, when your roommate wants to watch weird cult documentaries, when everyone we love seem far away, and the walls walk toward us…who up.

When the lies seem true- laced with our failures and weakness, our bodies fail, and the sky fills with smoke…show up.

SHOW UP! PRAY! LISTEN!

Let Jesus work. Let Him love you. Let Him cover you and your broken heart. Let Him heal your confused mind. Let Him be your Savior. That’s His job. Cry, cuss, and spit if you need to, but show up.

We get so damn fixated on instant miracles we miss the glory of transformation. I am not who I was six months ago or a year ago. And the glory of God is evident in it. It’s a miracle all the same. His love is an absolute wonder.

I realize this blog took a turn, but I’m ok with it. I wrote the first part early in the day, and the latter after lunch. I’m tired of my fear and anxiety. And I will fight it by letting Jesus do the work. Patience and curiosity will always be weapons to defeat them.

This season in my life is truly a season of repentance. I use the word repentance in the Greek sense- a turning of thought, feeling, and action. I’ve turned from control and fear to Jesus. And He is renewing my mind and opening my heart. I didn’t see this coming, but I’m glad it’s happening all the same.