I love to believe I know what’s best for people. Most of us do- believe our world view and opinions are more valid than those of the person next to us. At our worst, we judge those who hold views and beliefs different than our own. I judged people different than me.

Thankfully, 2020 broke my knowing and arrogance. I do not know what’s best for people. This breaking is one of the great blessings of this year. It removed burdens I carried to “fix” other people and their obvious flaws. One of the hardest moments of the last twelve months came when I realized some people are just different, and there’s nothing wrong with them.

We Need Each Other

I am a people person, a recently discovery. Now that I see it, it feels like the most obvious truth about me. While I am an introvert, I’d rather be with people than not. I am less interested in the activity. It is immaterial. I don’t care if we paint a bathroom, run errands, or watch TV. The occasion to be with another person and share life is enough for me. (It is not the first time I discovered something about myself to be the opposite of what I thought was true.)

Sitting across the table from me (us, if you are also a people person too), is the task oriented person. The bane of my existence. These people believe in doing things, and people are a bonus. My old business partner is a task person. He is willing to put himself and others through hell, if the task is worth doing. I am not.

In truth, the world needs task people. Task people get things done. They build roads, create new businesses, discover new medicines, and lead armies into battle. They find joy in the doing of life, and they lack a need to be accepted. (They can also be psychopaths. Those who lack empathy and love are usually end up destroying the lives around them.)

I reluctantly admit, we need task people. And I must accept there is nothing wrong with them. I suppose…they are capable of love, compassion, and grace. Most people are not an extreme version of a thing; therefore, most task oriented folks are also perfectly loving, considerate people. Similarly, most people-lovers (like yours truly) are not useless blobs of emotions and sap.

Lovers Living in a Task World

One of the chief difficulties of life in western culture is we espouse champions, creators, CEO’s, and “tough” politicians. We love people who “get shit done.” Not only do we elevate these people, we prop up their processes and habits. We- the people lovers- try to live like task people. And, we are f-cking miserable.

Just today, I discussed what it’s like to live in the task culture with my best friend Blake. He’s like me, a people person. We talked about Olympic athletes, how they envision standing on the medal podium. They set their sites on that lofty goal and go after it. This is not how we live life.

I don’t know how to see five years into the future or envision myself on a podium. Most of my favorite life moments are not moments of achievement. And, I am normally at odds with myself when I try to conform to a life of accomplishment. The problem is not that I am not entirely a people-lover. I’d like a house and a family. I want to see the world and eat its food.

I need to find a way to love people and get things done. One is natural. The other is not. And, I refuse to allow myself to sink because I’m not good at something. Being a people-lover means I get to love myself. In as an act of self-love, I will continue to pursue the tasks in my heart to complete…even if I don’t experience some kind of high when I check off the box.

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