“It does not matter how small the sins are provided that their cumulative effect is to edge the man away from the Light and out into the Nothing.”

- The Screwtape Letters, by CS Lewis

I felt insecure over the last week. It sucks. I have imaginary arguments with people I’ve long forgiven, and occasionally feel waves of sadness. I lack grace for others, and myself. And then I begin to seek validation in others, which is the f-cking worst. It is my familiar fight with self-pity, but it also feels like a new demon. Regardless, the tactics may change, but evil’s goal remains as it ever was- to separate me from Him.

Last night, as I sat with the Holy Spirit, I was pulled up to a place above the Earth. The Lord lifted my chin and said,”Look.” He didn’t need more words to explain the purpose of the moment. My head is down, and I am looking at myself. I am thinking about my future, the tasks ahead of me, and I feel overwhelmed. (As if He asked me to do any of it on my own.)

No. None of that is true. Moreover, it’s on Him. Whatever I am, and whatever I become, it’s about Him, not me. So Lord, here I am.

I lay down my sadness and burdens to bring about your Kingdom in my life. You are my God and Lover of my soul. If I die alone, if I never lose another pound, if I am always in debt, I will prayer and sing and wake up to walk with You.

Even the dreams in my heart are subject to You. I’d rather live in obscure poverty than live outside of Your holy tent.

Lord,Your will be done.

I am still learning how to be, and I will say “Grace to you Nik. Peace to you friend.”

Lord, I accept your grace and peace today. I accept joy. I accept wisdom, and foolishness. And I will sing this song. Amen.