Ever play that game, what would you do with do with a million dollars? I have, thousands of times. Of course, the older I grow, the smaller the starting amount. Recently, I played a rousing game of what would Nik do with twenty thousand dollars. The outcome gave me good chuckle as I realized, half a year’s wages wouldn’t change my life. I’d still wake up and do about 80% of the things I do today. And that was a great relief.

For the first time in my life I can say, be it twenty thousand dollars or one million, I’m doing what I need to be doing. What I should be doing. Most of my angst is related to life expectations, of being 43 and broke and single. But, I no longer wander for purpose or direction. I, Nik, would’ve killed to be able to write that at any point before now. I know this isn’t new territory, but it is a new way of looking at, of seeing the blessing for what it is.

Most of my best friends can’t say what I can. They are good men, honest and hard working. Successful too. But ask them “what do you want to do?” and they fall apart. Sure, they spit out the noble “be a good dad and husband.” But honestly, men want their work to mean something. All the working and mortgage payments can’t fill that void, that empty space labeled “the reason you’re here.” So, they made the trade. Unfulfilling work for good pay. Yet I sit and type, on the other side of the ditch. Laden with purpose and direction and a million projects to come, but no success. No house or lady to keep me warm.

Life is funny like that, eh?