Being messy is messy. But, being messy with the Lord is part of the healing process. And, it is a process. Healing is often a snotty, shitty mess of a process. And the Lord is there to walk us through it.

I’ve written before, how I’m not a fan of the suddenlies of God. Better said, I have seen more people change over time rather than in an instant. I don’t oppose the instantaneous supernatural power of God, far from it. However, when we count His works of time versus His instant miracles, time wins. My current theory is the Lord prefers to take His time with us to, a) keeps us close to Him, and b) teach us how to live. Our Father is not the lottery or a slot machine, though most of us act like petulant children when we don’t get a payout.

Back to processing. I have a habit of trying to skip to the end of a problem instead of sitting in with the Lord. If I feel anxious, angry, annoyed, etc- I try to skip to the part where “everything is ok.”

For example, one of my BSSM instructors said, “The goal of God is His own glory,” I wanted to vomit. Certainly, scripture talks about the glory of God. But, glorification is not God’s only goal or motivation- far from it. You only need to watch Monday Night Football and you will eventually notice a John 3:16 sign during a field goal attempt. Which, if memory serves, says, “For God so LOVED the world…” I’ve always thought of the glory of God as something more like a byproduct than a goal. Perhaps I’m wrong. But, what I will confidently write is, the God’s goal is not His own glory. At least, it’s not His only goal.

Disagreement aside, I wondered why this person would ever be given a microphone. Six weeks into school and they have yet to say anything worth noting. I hate it, and my anger is something to take to Jesus as often as it arises. It’s messy. I don’t want to be a prick or dismissive of well-intentioned people, but I am. The only way through this moment, and the remaining eight months, is to allow the processing to happen- to be angry, hurt, or sad, to cry and write, and tell the Lord about it. I can’t skip to the healthy end. Life doesn’t work that way. He doesn’t work that way.

Processing is processing. And, it’s best to let it happen.