Yesterday, I wrote about the expansion of my love for the Church. Today, I dive into what I appreciate about BSSM.

Some of the more dynamic and life-giving aspects of BSSM/Bethel are subtle. After weeks and months of being immersed in the culture it’s easy to forget how Bethel approaches people, which often the opposite of most churches. As a child, I grew up going to church in my best, most expensive clothes, as did most everyone else. We smiled and laughed, and for a child, all seemed right in the world. Church was safe and predictable. The people were nice, though Pastor Tommy liked to keep our seats warm with his passion for the Gospel.

The problem with this kind of church is that it wasn’t real. Sunday morning was a parade, a show of the best of ourselves, a ruse we could maintain but one day a week. As I began to pay attention, the fantasy I believed vanished. “Happily” married couples “suddenly” filed for divorces. So-and-so plainly stated their disagreements with the Sunday morning sermon. And, given the behavior of the church youth, I was forced to wonder what the teenagers really learned in Youth Group.

That was the 80s and 90s church for Nik. I learned about a great God, my terrible sinful nature, and my commission to get other people saved. That’s life and that’s all there is. If I had a problem it was because of sin or something I did. And, God was a dick, who is often mad at me. And mostly, the people in Church seemed to be miserable and constantly at odds with themselves and the people around them. I didn’t see joy or peace or love in anyone. Better said, I didn’t see the fruit of the Spirit. I experienced religion and people trying to do their best to please God without knowing Him or accepting His love for them. (It’s wild to recall these memories in 2022.)

So, how is Bethel different? Well, like I stated earlier, it’s subtle. People still try to be fashionable in their dress, though what is considered hip is radically different than the South in the 80s. And, Bethel students and congregants often smile and laugh as though they have not a care in the world. On the surface, Bethel appears to be exactly like the churches I knew. The massive difference is the Bethel leaders know people are people. We, the people, have issues and weaknesses. We struggle in relationships and faith. And, these “faults” and “low moments” are normal. This is why we need each other- to pick each up when needed.

I really love how the leadership team at Bethel embraced the vulnerability movement. Couples don’t suddenly get divorced and they accept the fact that teenagers have sex drives. It’s a dramatic shift in the way they approach the brokenness of the human condition. Problems happen and we cannot overcome them without bringing our shortcomings, weakness, and self-sabotage into the light.

What this culture looks like is pastors who do not look to expose your sin or pain. They wait for students and members to bring it forward. I love this approach because it is neither demanding or condemning. If I want to sit on the back row and pretend to be perfect, cool. And, when I’m ready to talk about my wounds surrounding women or anger toward leaders, they are available to help me through it. We, the people are a mess, and it’s ok to be messy.

My second major takeaway from BSSM is their concept of honor and love, which I touched on yesterday. The people at Bethel genuinely try to call out the best in each person. They focus on what’s good in person instead of what needs work. It’s awesome. The reason many students excel when they are in school is because we have leaders and fellow students building us up everyday. (The inverse is also true. When students leave and the daily affirmations are gone, some of them fall off. They leaned into the environment without becoming stronger. The culture became a crutch rather than a spring board.)

Here’s the thing. All the affirmation and love and goofy shit they do is better than all the cynical crap I know and embraced. I’d rather be loving and kind and hope all things than return to my perch of fearful cynicism. I want to be foolish enough to stay faithful, even and especially after I fail.

Lastly, concerning love and honor, it’s ok to love and believe in someone AND maintain proper boundaries. I experienced several conflicts with fellow students and choose to love them from a distance. I believe in them and hope the best, and I keep my distance. Boundaries are good and healthy. And, people who violate boundaries are not healthy. (That’s ok. I know now, it’s not personal. When a friend or family member can’t maintain a boundary, it means they can’t keep promises. Ultimately, it means they don’t love or honor themselves very well. So now, whenever someone crosses a line with me, I’m not as offended. I find compassion for them in new ways. But, I’m still going to hold my line, because I love me. My peace is my responsibility.)

My last major takeaway concerns the Lord and His goodness: I will live the rest of my life believing God is good and wants to be miraculous in our lives. The enemy tries to beat this out of us every single day. He wants us to disown the Lord, but he’ll settle for being disappointed and defeated. The last thing the devil wants is people who believe in a loving and kind Father, who live in connection, and dare to ask for the supernatural.

The words of Paul hit me different now than ever before “in excess or in lack, I have learned to give thanks in all seasons.” Through panic attacks, anger, depression, COVID, and more, I learned to keep worshipping and choosing Jesus. Even more, I learned to continue in being a hopeful idiot. I no longer pray for people to “feel better”, I want them healed and immersed in the presence of the Holy Spirit. I expect the Lord to move and show people how much He loves them. That’s His job. My job is to create space for the Lord to be Himself.