Vol IV: #52 Mario and the Truth
A few years ago I met a young man named Mario. He was 22 at the time, married, and searching for the truth about God and Jesus and whatever Christianity is. When I met him he told me part of his story which included betrayal and bewilderment and having his church world burned to the ground during the pandemic. He was a pastor’s sun with a heart of his city. And when he wanted to stand on integrity he was told he was idealistic and immature, that standing up for his American rights was more important than keeping promises (i.e. yes = yes, no = no.) He was broken when I met him. His wife too.
Last Sunday, Mario told me how he appreciated our friendship. He said I let him be himself, and in doing so helped heal a wound from “older men.” My gut recoiled at the phrase older men, but I know what he’s getting at. I am old enough to be his dad, and it was the old men in the church who betrayed him. They cut him down when he wanted to preserve the integrity of the church.
What drew me to Mario was his honesty and I like that our relationship is built on truth telling. And yesterday as Mario and I watched Italian soccer and discussed a variety of topics, an ache grew inside my chest. I wish all my relationships were built on trust and honesty.
Fortunately, my relationships with the majority of my close friends and family are built on truth. For that, I’m thankful. But, I still have a small but important set of friends and family that are not about truth or integrity. Those relationships are built on something else and I’m not sure what that something is. Loneliness? Common interests? Shared history? Not that common interest or history is bad, but without the truth they all suffer. We hide from each other and avoid the task of accountability. Instead of iron sharpening iron, we iron avoiding iron, contnt to hold onto our fears and misery. It’s exhausting.
And, I’m as guilty as they are. Without question. I’m 50% of the problem, maybe even 51%. Why 51%? Because I know we’re both suffering. I know that without the truth and being honest with each other, our relationship is slowly dying. For example, I know my roommate resents me for any number of my choices both recent and not so recent. But he’d rather “be nice.” Like a good southern boy, he shoves his feeling and thoughts deep in his back pocket with all the other unsaid offenses from all the other people in his life. And that back pocket is about to burst.
And so, yesterday, I prayed and wondered how to repair something so clearly broken, and not just with my roommate, but with the other as well. My aim isn’t to burn their faces off. I merely want to set our relationship on a proper foundation. And I don’t know how to do that, because…I’m scared. I know it. The one common factor with these broken relationships is the fear I have of losing the relationship by being honest. And so I perpetuate the brokenness. Didn’t I say I was 51% of the problem?
Thank God for Mario and my relationship with him. Thank God for my relationship with my mom and dad. And thank God for the courage and grace to come. I hope I find the will to do my part, to heal what’s busted and hurting.
