When anyone asks “how’s your relationship with your parents?” I respond in the affirmative. And, it gives me great joy to do so. I’m blessed to maintain a healthy and functional relationship with both my mom and dad- a result of prayer, love, and a willingness to meet each other halfway. We’ve grown closer regardless of physical distances, proving that love is unbounded.

Until recently, I secretly harbored a bit of pride over these facts: I’m such a good son. The thought is not untrue, I do try to be a good son. But, it’s incomplete and ego-centered. Whatever I am and whatever I become is due in large part to their support and strength. They empowered me to take risks, explore, and “find myself.” It’s a gift I can’t repay.

One of the blessings of BSSM is it put me in contact with a wide variety of international students. I love them, even when they complain about America. My new friends hail from Colombia, Nepal, Canada, Germany, the Netherlands, Taiwan, Pakistan, and Brazil. And as the conversations stack up, the subject matter becoming ever more weighty and personal a few common themes surfaced. One theme that has terrified me is the “get a job and live responsibly” sentiment. You see, most of my international classmates do not have the support of their parents and loved ones. BSSM has no practical purpose and ministry is poverty is what they are told. And yet, they came anyway.

With these stories and conversations banked in my brain, I went for a walk last week and began to pray. Deep in the woods beside the creek, I began to thank the Lord for my parents and their undying support. And then, I started laughing. Like an idiot. The next words out of my mouth were “thank you, Lord, for parents who allowed me to be foolish and irresponsible without shame or condemnation.” The laughter continued.

The thing is, I can’t recall my mom or dad ever asking me to “get a real job” or “pick a career.” They might have made suggestions on occasion but nothing concrete or heavy-handed. Even as my failures mounted, they were there to offer me love and empathy, rather than force me to more stable and secure solutions. What a gift. Honestly, what an absolute blessing and grace from the Lord. My parents have let me be myself and I’m overwhelmed to tears when I think about it. They are the first and best example of the love of the Father in my life, and I didn’t even know it.

I offer this example in closing:

In my early 20’s, my dad tried a number of business ventures including an attempt to sell discount phones services to small businesses. Since I needed a job, he recruited me to be a salesman. Out we went to bowling alleys, dentist offices, and law firms alike. The result, at least for me, was always the same: NO. I hated it. After a few weeks of trying, I came home in tears, afraid to tell my father I wanted to quit. Eventually, in a whimper of snot and tears, I told him. And, you know what? He said, “Ok.” I was shocked. He didn’t argue or belittle me- didn’t try to convince me to break my face against the sales grind “just one more time.” He put his arm around me and never mentioned it again.

(I have a hundred stories of a similar nature. They don’t all include tears and mucus, but the reaction from my parents is roughly the same. Somehow, my mom and dad learned how to parent me. Because, and I need to be real about this, I would resent and reject anyone telling me what to do. Still, I have yet to hear any frustration in their voices when I move on from one opportunity to another or switch directions. I’m so, so thankful for this disposition.)

To Kevin and Joan,

Thank you.

Your loving and grateful son,

Nik