I was in a groove by late April: in bed by 9 pm, up by 5 am, good diet, daily trips to the gym, all of it. And then, I traveled a bit and fell off my horse, And I feel like I’m chasing that bastard, and he keeps running from me, one day into the next. I can’t quiet grip the reins, of feeling good about how I spend my time. Too much time playing video games, not enough reading or writing. It’s an odd pattern to live, and not one I want to continue. And yet, this moment has to be part of the progress.

The mystery of why do I fall out of good habits then have to battle anxiety and shame to get back on my horse? is a question to be answered another day. I know I’m not the only one with these types of battles. And perhaps what matters most is the doing. Who cares why? The opportunity I have shorten the timeline from falling off to getting back on. I know what I must do even if I don’t know why. That’s faith, right?