This month is going to be my busiest yet in the marketing world. I have a huge physical mailer due by December 31st, a new website to launch for an online church, and two e-courses to curate for a minister out of Philly. Yeah. It’s a lot. I’m also trying to eat well, maintain my walk with the Lord, get my steps, and write.

If this were any previous year of my life, I’d be wallowing in stress and anxiety. But, this is not any other year. It’s 2020, the year Nik grew up.

Instead of being afraid to fail, I’m enjoying the pressure and the challenge. I have an opportunity to work with some amazing people and do some really cool stuff. This is what maturity looks like. I blame the Lord.

A Demon Named Perfect

For most of my life, I’ve been a perfectionist. Mind you, I am not an accomplished perfectionist like we tend to believe a perfectionist to be. When I think of a perfectionist I picture an old Japanese sushi chef striving to assemble to perfect piece of fish and rice.

I think most of us have a similar idea in our minds. A perfectionist is dogged, tireless worker. They are never satisfied, but manage to achieve greatness. We a taught to believe their mania is a source of greatness and occasional sorrow.

The reality is many of us suffer some form of perfectionism, and it ain’t the Lord.

We Start Young

As a child, the idea of perfect behavior and action was constantly reinforced. Everywhere I looked, mistakes were not tolerated. Kids couldn’t be kids in church. Coaches demanded military like precision. And, my father was fond of asking “would you drink a gallon of milk if it had a drop of pee in it?” (This is no slam on him. It was the only culture he knew, from his parents to the Navy. The only message he heard was “don’t f*ck up.”)

The irony is we all knew perfection was unattainable. How much sense does it then make to demand perfection? It’s demotivating to set a standard no one will ever achieve. It’s ludicrous.

Self Sabotage IS the Norm

My form of perfectionism doesn’t look like the classic picture of a perfectionist. I assume most of us do not fit that description. Perfectionism in my life has looked like fear of failure, fear of trying, and assuming I know the outcome of every relationship or moment in my life. It looks like freaking out ahead of deadlines and my customers thinking I’m a fraud. Perfection also lied to me. It told me I couldn’t make mistakes or have faith.

God Does Not Require Perfection

One scripture that always got to me was when Jesus said “be perfect as your Father in heaven is perfect.” Thanks Jesus, what a burden to place on our backs. Again, I don’t believe I’m the only one to find condemnation in these words, especially when you go a church that says “you will never be perfect, but never stop trying.”

Funny thing about scripture, that word “perfect”…in Matthew 5…has a better translation. The original Greek is better read as “complete.” In the context of Matthew 5, Jesus is asking us to be complete in our love of God, self, neighbors, and our enemies. As Your Father in heaven is complete in His love of all people, so you should aim to be complete in who you love for all people.

The classical definition of perfect is “without flaw” or “blameless.” This idea is often propped up in the circles I inhibit. Leader and speakers talk about holy purity as though it’s the highest form of Christianity. Ephesians 5 is often used to buttress these discussions, “without spot or wrinkle, blameless.”

It IS His Good Work

Again, this is a terrible misuse and interpretation of scripture. First, in context, Paul is imploring the married men of Ephesus to love their wives as Jesus loves His church. Second, it’s clear that the work of purification is done by the Lord, not something we must work out in dark corners on our own. In fact, in Hebrews 12 we see exactly that.

“[l]ooking unto Jesus, the author and finisher(often perfector is used here) of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”

- Hebrews 12:2

And this all goes back to the promises Jesus lays out in Matthew 6,”seek first the Kingdom of God, and all these things shall be added to you.” The in-working of the Holy Spirit is not my responsibility. It’s His. My great duty and joy is to show up, confess my truths, and let the Holy Spirit be God in my life.

(This post went a way I didn’t expect, but I’m going with it.)

Sitting With Him Is Worth It

Rather than engage fear and perfectionism, I am engaging the Lord. I am allowing the Holy Spirit to work in my heart and mind. I using faith and gratitude to combat cynicism and control. And, the Lord is moving.

Today, quite unexpectedly, I received a small bonus from my marketing company. I was so happy to get it. The money was a reward for working hard, and I’m thankful have it. That gratitude in my heart represents a huge change in my life from when I felt entitled to such gifts.

Life feels and is greater when I’m focused on what’s good and possible instead of what sucks and could suck.

I’m not sure how to end this post, but I want to stop here. If I ever say one thing to another human, let it be this: show up before the Lord everyday and let Him be God in your life. His love will change you.

Thank you Jesus for loving me. Thank you for moving in my life in ways I can’t really explain. You’re like a season. From day to day, the changes go unnoticed. But after a while they become glaring and obvious.