Vol II: #45 An Opportune Time
“…he left Him, until a more opportune time.”
- Luke 4:13
The verse above is from the story of Jesus’ temptation in the desert. Our hero rebukes the Devil’s every advance, and then the bastard leaves…until a more opportune time. I know I read those words ages ago but not until last summer did they stand out from the page. Apparently, the desert dual was not the only instance of temptation. More importantly, the enemy picked his moments- opportune moments- to go after Jesus. We are likely no different.
My last week of life has seen a flurry of uninvited bullshit and happenings. One family member had to have emergency surgery, which was apparently life-threatening. The alternator on my car died- the part that keeps your battery charged. And, I tested positive for COVID with the accompanying symptoms. That’s not to mention my lack of income due to poor market conditions. And I barely want to mention how the Delta lost my luggage for three days because it seems like a minor inconvenience compared to the rest.
In a previous life, I would wail and bemoan my fate: Woah is me. Doesn’t God love me? What am I doing wrong? If I was a better person, this wouldn‘t happen. Of course, these are all lies. It’s just my life.
The one temptation, a repeating thought, is to quit BSSM. At this point, I’d say I tolerate their shenanigans and fervor. They are no different than any other church. Bethel, via Bill, has a sliver of God, a precious piece of His goodness. And, like most churches, they believe their revelation is better than what exists outside their walls. How very normal for a church to be this way. Having attended dozens of churches in my lifetime, this arrogance is common and seems unavoidable.
As I lay in bed, willing myself to watch the class online today, I felt as though I was behind a glass wall. I felt separate and different. I’m no revivalist and have no desire to be one of them. (At this point, I’d say Heidi Baker’s theology is the closest to my own- Love looks like something. It can be a hug or a meal or a miracle. Love changes people, not miracles alone. The point is to introduce people to the love and kindness of Jesus, and that may look different for each person we meet.) Yes. They are good people, living on the edge of what they know to be good and true. I hope we all do. But, it’s not my edge.
My mind often wonders what I could be doing if not for BSSM. No more silly speakers and disorganized meetings. And, no more new friends and meaningful conversations. It is these wonderful people I’ve met, mostly my fellow students, who’ve made the experience worth the price. How could I leave them, in the middle of the year, without a solid reason? I can’t. Moreover, no one at BSSM is asking me to be like them- other than Bill. His style of preaching is not for me and tire very quickly when he speaks.
I’ve wanted to quit BSSM before it started, and now I know this is the temptation the enemy has for me. I laugh at the tactic because there’s humor in it. Think about this: why would a needed car repair translate into quitting ministry school? There’s no logic to that thought, but this is the opportune time, right? The enemy loves to get on us after an arguement, or when the car breaks down, and our bank account runs lower than we’d like. He waits until we are stressed and weak, wanting freedom from these worries. It is this exact moment, as the water leaks into our boat, to throw up our hands to Him.
Lord, I’m here. No matter what happens. You are still good, and so am I.
